It has been nearly a month since Vesty passed away and while I knew the grieving process wouldn’t be easy, I also didn’t think it would be this difficult.
Both of her beds are in their usual spots except they’re empty. Occasionally, we’ll catch the cat laying in the bed next to the heater which generates a loud negative verbal reaction from my wife. My wife and I have enjoyed a few evenings out together and during the course of dinner, one of us will share a memory of her which leads to one of us crying.
My wife and I have gone through bouts of deep sadness and mild depression. Her death has affected my ability to do my job well. Instead of feeling motivated, I’ve been stuck in a mopey mood.
Coming home still sucks. Even though my wife doesn’t say “Vesty! Baby girl, we’re home!” when we enter the house, I still hear it. We both have a stockpile of Kleenex on hand for the moments when we start crying which there have been many.
Every day that goes by that we don’t have a dog is a subtle reminder that we need one in our lives. We still haven’t decided on a name yet or when we’re going to get one but it will likely be after we file our taxes. Yorkies are an expensive breed that typically costs more than $1k.
I recently had three different dreams about Vesty of which one had me in tears. My wife and I usually look forward to Spring and Summer but not this year. We know what we’ll have to do when the ground thaws and we’re hoping it gives us some closure.
2 thoughts on “One Month Since Vesty’s Passing”
Jeff, my heart breaks for both of you, but I am really, genuinely glad and relieved that you are both actually grieving. Great love requires nothing less when that physical presence is gone.
Two things I will share with you: the first is that I suspect you both feel a gaping bleeding hole in your chest. That pain is real, and it will never fully go away, but it WILL leave your heart cracked open so that the love that is coming can make its way in. Vesty would want that for you.
The second thing is that you might want to consider adopting. Trust me: there are plenty of Yorkies in shelters looking for homes. Go to Petfinder.com and search. You’ll be amazed. I have three purebred dogs, all of them shelter dogs. (In fact, I’m going to be on “Hack My Life” with the chow you see in my WP profile this Tuesday night. She’s beautiful, isn’t she? Dumped at a shelter at age 11. Now 14 going on 2.) When you’re ready, have a look. You can search by breed and it will show the results according to proximity.
Grieve well, and let those who love you carry you through this time.
I still haven’t managed to get another dog, even though it’s been 5 years since I lost my Rhiannon. I tell myself that I’m just remaining free and open for somepuppy that really needs my help, but really my heart still aches when I open the door and there’s no baby to greet me. I will tell you that I have always thought that the dreams were her telling me that she’s all right, happy, and waiting to jump all over me once St. Peter is done with his paperwork. My best to you both, and know that I’m sending all my prayers/warm fuzzies/good vibes your way.