New Breakthrough Medications

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out!

Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, ‘You make me want to be a better person. ‘

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth .

Fukitol Medicine

4 thoughts on “New Breakthrough Medications

  1. Becky says:

    This was Hilarious! My Husband even turned down the tv to hear what the hell I was laughing so hard for, He nearly pissed his pants, since we are both on many meds due to old age, it sure struck a cord…I think I will print it and fax it off to the Doc!!! Still laughing!

  2. @Becky Hey Becky. This post has been getting a lot of stumbleupon traffic lately. I’m glad you enjoyed the post. This was actually from an email I receieved via a co-worker and I decided to post it here to see if people would like it, and it looks like they do :)

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