Jokes

Things Police Officers HAVE Said

15 ‘Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.’

14 ‘If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.’

13 ‘If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.’

12 ‘Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.’

11 ‘You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?’

10 ‘Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?’

9. ‘Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.’

8. ‘The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?’

7. ‘Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.’

6. ‘Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.’

5. ‘In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.’

4. ‘How big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?’

3. ‘No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.’

2. ‘I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.’

AND THE WINNER IS….
1. ‘So, you didn’t think we write pretty women tickets?
Well, you’re right, we don’t.
Sign here._____________________________

Bear Warning

The Colorado State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while in the Dillon, Breckenridge, and Keystone area.

They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly. They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity.

People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

Google Design With Comic Sans

All Graphic Design has posted a funny picture of Google if it were designed with the font, ComicSans. The funny aspect of this is the actual search terms combined with the results. The search terms “comic sans sucks” brings up a number of search results, including a spoof from Google.com themselves. Comic Sans is not the best looking font, and it’s pretty apparent that it has it’s own hate club.

ComicSansSucks

Check out the Google Spoof and the full screen shot here.