Jeffc.me» Jokes

Drive-Thru Confessionals

Jeffro — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 23:13:00 +0000

“Thank you, Father,” answered the young priest.

“I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.”

“However,” said the elderly priest, “I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.”

“But, Father , protested the young priest, “my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!”

“I know, son, but that flashing neon sign, Toot ‘n Tell or Go to Hell,” just can’t stay on the church roof.

Chances Of Figuring Out A Good Comeback

Jeffro — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 17:18:19 +0000

So true, so true!

more music charts

Retired With A Job

Jeffro — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 20:18:37 +0000

I’ve often been asked, ‘What do you old folks do now that you’re retired?’

Well…I’m fortunate to have a few friends who have chemical engineering backgrounds, and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, wine, bourbon, and martinis into urine. And, we’re pretty damn good at it too!!’

50 Dollars Is 50 Dollars

Jeffro — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 23:53:07 +0000

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, ‘Esther,I’d like to ride in that helicopter.’

Esther always replied, ‘I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars’

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, ‘Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.’

To this, Esther replied, ‘Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.’

The pilot overheard the couple and said, ‘Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won’t charge you! But if you say one word, it’s fifty dollars.’

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot put the craft through all kinds of maneuvers, but not a word was heard. Up, down, back and forth, even sideways, he did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, ‘By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!’

Morris replied, ‘Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!’

Eye Doctors Idea Of A Joke

Jeffro — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 22:37:50 +0000

This is what a joke might look like coming from an eye doctor.

There Was A Ghost

Jeffro — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 22:04:25 +0000

This is a clip from one of the latest episodes of SouthPark called Over Logging. This episode was yet again hilarious. Check out the full episode here. Then report back to me on how they managed to fix THE INTERNET.

YouTube Stars Duel It Out

Jeffro — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 20:51:46 +0000

I came across this latest episode of SouthPark last night and I couldn’t stop laughing! During the show, a number of YouTube superstars are all within a room and end up beating the crap out of each other to figure out who has the biggest ego. The way the characters were portrayed was just hilarious.

YouTube Stars in this episode:

Chocolate Rain

Laughing Baby

Sneezing Panda

Star Wars Kid

Tron Guy

Numa Numa

And more.

WP 2.5 Due In 22 Years

Jeffro — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 10:46:40 +0000

Good to see that someone has a sense of humor! How old will you be when WordPress 2.5 is released? I’ll be 46!

New Breakthrough Medications

Jeffro — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 18:56:14 +0000

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA’S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, ‘You make me want to be a better person. ‘

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth .

Which Cup Size Excites Old Men?

Jeffro — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 21:46:29 +0000

Which one of these cup sizes excites old men the most? Simple question right?

Hope that one made you smile